Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Unhappy Pussy Week

I'm feeling kind of down about my pussy lately. I like to get a look at it every so often. Today, I noticed how... Puffy? my inner lips are. They look like two LITERAL vertical lips. I've never seen anything like them, in porn or otherwise. I'm not at all worried that I'm abnormal, because there's not really a genital "norm". I'm not too crazy about the coloring, either. It's so dark in reference to the rest of my body, but what can I do? You know how you can sometimes have a bad hair day? I think I'm having an Unhappy Pussy Week. I guess all girls have body image issues, but does it normally spread to their pussy, too? Some days I feel like I have the most gorgeous piece of tangible femininity to have ever been created. I feel womanly, sexual and powerful. Other days? Meh. It's just something in between my legs that creates liquids and makes squelching noises when I touch it.

I'm not masturbating as much as I normally do and I haven't switched on the WD in at least two weeks. I just generally feel unhappy with my sexual goodies. It's odd, because I'm nearing ovulation and I'm normally diddling the day away during this time. I normally have the vibrator going for so long, it gets hot. I get sweaty and red and tremble with passionate bliss for several minutes after every orgasm. I do still love the smell of my pussy during this time. I love to dip a finger in and intermittently inhale the moist sweetness. I want other people to smell my pussy, as twisted as that sounds. I want someone to bury their face right in my snatch and get completely intoxicated by my scent. That turns me on.

I don't know what the issue is. I feel all emotional and tender and weak. I want to hold a baby and have it sleep on my chest. I feel the need to cuddle or nurture something. I'm feeling extremely maternal. Dr. Christiane Northrup calls it "giving birth to something outside of yourself". Women are more likely to fold the towels and do things around the house. I wonder what my hormone levels are like when I start feeling this way. I should start charting.

Maybe I just need to have a good orgasm. One with a slow build up. Writing this entry has actually made me moderately horny. I guess I'll go get off.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Ass Love and Labels

Just pulled my charger our of the box. :D

So, Gay Boy I'd Like To Fuck (GBILF) sent me an instant message and said "Can I ask you a question?" I got a little nervous, because he reads my blog and I didn't know what to expect. We used to talk all the time, but he want away to college and we lost touch, but we've picked back up again. Anyway, he asked me "Does double penetration feel really good?"

Now, all of my friends know I'm a virgin, so I don't really know what response he was expecting, but I told him that I'm pretty sure I'm not into anal at all, so it probably wouldn't feel good to me. I don't know if I'm so much "against" taking it in the ass, but fuck... It sounds horrible. I've been told that, if it hurts, "you're doing it wrong". I don't know if I really believe that logic, because there are plenty of things in life that hurt (giving birth, for example), regardless of you doing it right or wrong. I don't know. The thought of sticking things in my ass just doesn't get me hot. I know you have to prepare with desensitizing lube and all that good stuff, but seriously? I'd rather just leave my asshole as "exit only".

So, I relayed this conversation to a friend. She's not really into anal, either. The conversation progressed into me telling her how some men like prostate stimulation. She said "Oh, so they're gay". To which I responded "No... You can like anal stimulation without being gay, I think". Right? I mean, being a homosexual means being attracted to members of the same sex, yes? So, just because you like some anal play doesn't make you gay, does it? I don't think I would react too badly if my partner wanted to explore some anal lovin'. I don't really understand the logic. Is it okay for him to want to explore something different, but never address it? That's shitty and unfair.

This is just another situation with labels. I hate them. If you're all about dick or if you only want pussy, then cool. But, what about people who fall in-between? I hate the term "bisexual". Some people think that, if gender isn't that much of an issue when it comes sex/relationships, you're not choosy. Every sexuality has its preferences. No straight person likes everyone of the opposite sex. I just see no need to classify myself, especially when I'm unsure of where I fall. I also don't think that wanting to explore something new in the bedroom completely negates how you want to be defined sexually. Just because he enjoys a finger or butt plug doesn't mean he's running around in a rainbow t-shirt and being fucked by Gay Bob next door. And if it does... Then, well, hey... Let's get Glenn Close up in this bitch and make it a super hot, ass-fucking, pussy-rubbing orgy. Win/win.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Post Secret and a Quick Update

My parents are asleep, so I have a little time to write/post my (now ritualized) "Post Secret" entry. I'm typing without my glasses on and at lightning speed, so forgive the typos.

Updates? Gay Boy I'd Like to Fuck (GBILF... Might as well add him to the glossary, too) asked me about double penetration. More on that shit later. He's so fucking weird. I love him. I guess that's pretty much it. I'm sure I'll think of more later, but constantly having to check over my shoulder to be sure I'm not being watched is irritating me. I'm so paranoid.

Two Post Secret pictures today:

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I'm mobile blogging. Why? Because my laptop charger is broken, yet again. I guess I should splurge and actually buy a non-generic model, but I really don't have the money for it. I'm sure the voltage is just way too low for my power-eating computer. Whatever. I ordered a new one today, so hopefully, I'll be back in action early next week.

Monday, March 22, 2010


I saw a group that is entitled: "Not Relying on Sex to Have a Good Relationship"... My mind immediately changed it to "Not Relying on a Relationship to Have Good Sex."...

I like my idea better.

Racial Shame

Quick deviation from the norm.

If it wasn't understood by now, I'm black. It never occurred to me to disclose my skin color, but there it is. I love my skin color; not too light, not too dark. One friend described it as a golden brown. The only thing I would change is the fact that I get a couple of shades darker in the summer when I'm outside, and my face (and nose) turns red when I cry. To my knowledge, I'm not "mixed" with anything, but I've never researched and no one in my family knows anything about heritage.

I'm tired of being told that I'm not "proud" of my skin color because of the choices I make. I choose to relax my hair. Why? Because it looks nice and it makes my hair manageable. My hair is so incredibly coarse and thick, if I DIDN'T relax it, I would likely be bald, because my hair would be breaking off at the root. I don't choose to get chemical relaxers because I'm not "proud"... I just really don't care. I'm willing to pay a chunk to have nice-looking hair. I don't have what's defined as "good hair". I don't naturally have loose springy curls that are just gorgeous without any manipulation. I don't have a thick and beautiful afro that's perfectly shaped. I can't wash my hair, let it air dry, and throw it in a ponytail. I have coarse, thick hair that closely resembles the texture of wool. I don't like it, so I change it. It has nothing to do with "not being proud".

I'm Southern, so I have a slight twang in the way that I speak. I learned this when I made friends in Wisconsin and California and listened to the difference to the way they say words. I say "y'all" and "ma'am" and "fixin' to" (but, ironically, I hate sweet tea). In reference to other people in my surroundings, my accent isn't so thick. I've been asked before if I'm "from up North", because I speak so properly. That stems from childhood. I went to a strict magnet school, so poor grammar wasn't tolerated. Anyway, ALL of my life, I've been asked "Why do you talk so white?"... I don't "talk white". That irritates the SHIT out of me. What the fuck does it mean to "talk white"? To speak correctly? How unfortunate is it that other people with my skin color consider speaking with articulation and education equals trying to sound like a white person? I had the resources to teach me to speak well, so why shouldn't I use them?

What does it mean to be proud of your skin color? I don't identify with being "African American". Yeah, it's what I bubble in on surveys and standardized tests, but really? What connection do I have to Africa? None. I've lived in Georgia my ENTIRE life. That farthest north I've been is Tennessee, and the farthest south is Florida... I'd rather just drop the "African" and just be an American, but whatever. Should I be rocking a Kente cloth dashiki? Or, maybe, I should go for the braids, long multicolored nails, front gold tooth, and roll my neck every time I say something... What would make me be considered "more black"? What's the difference between being proud of your skin color and "being ghetto"?

When it comes to marriage, I've been told by more than one person that they "expect me to have light-skinned mixed kids with good hair". Well, for one, they won't be getting the good hair from me. But, some people think I'll marry a white/Asian/some other non-black person. What? WHAT?! HOW CAN YOU PROJECT THE SKIN COLOR OF THE PERSON I'LL MARRY?! True, skin color doesn't matter to me, whether it's with friends or with partners. My heart still leaps when I see interracial couples holding hands, but I'm not "looking for" a nice white man to settle down with. I would be with a man (or woman?) of any skin color. I just don't make the connection of why the amount of melanin in someone's skin should decide whether or not we're a good match.

Skin color shouldn't dictate the type of person you "should be" or the type of person you should love. Black dick, white dick, beige dick, brown dick... I'm sure I'll come fine with any and all of them.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Cookie Pocketbook Private parts PUSSY!

My mom taught me to call it my "private parts". I asked her not too long ago what she would have responded had I asked her what the real name for it was and where babies come from, and she said "I would have been honest and told you." Lie. If that were true, why not just teach me the actual word from the very beginning? I like that she didn't give it some bullshit name like "cookie" or "pocketbook" though.

When I was younger, my friends always made their male and female dolls kiss. They would quickly press their lips together and start blushing and dissolve into fits of giggles. I never understood it. I thought they were so stupid. Even then, I remember making my two female dolls do the "69 position" when I was alone. I didn't know what it was then, but I knew that it was REALLY bad because you're not supposed to touch someone's "private parts". There was also a doll named "Amazing Allie". She was special because she talked and you could put things into her hands and she would recognize what they were. Her mouth moved and everything, but she wasn't scary and animatronic. I played with her for a while and eventually started grinding my crotch on her face while making her talk. That doll eventually turned into my ho... I stopped brushing her hair and keeping her clothes on, and I would just toss her to the side unless I needed her to rub off on.

I would have gone crazy for "anatomically correct" dolls when I was younger, because I was always so curious. I've only seen one other pussy in real life. I mean, I've caught a glimpse of friends and girls in the locker room, but there has only been one other person that I have seen, lips parted, exposing everything to me. I consider myself lucky, because she gave me a live demonstration of how to use a tampon and sparked my curiosity of how my anatomy looked in comparison to hers. Her inner lips were (and I suppose they still are) pink and fluttery, mine are purplish and small. I was around eleven then, but I understood that it was normal to be different.

With that being said, I don't know if the AC dolls are such a great idea for kids. I mean, I've seen one where the thing had a front vagina. Whose cunt looks like that? I know everyone is different, but if everyone's pussy was just a gaping hole located where the mons pubis is, wouldn't WE need urinals? I can't say if I would rather have my kid know nothing about what's normal for their sex organ, or if I would rather they have a general (but entirely wrong) idea about it. I somehow think all that can be avoided if I just talk to my kids truthfully. "Vulva" and "penis" will be top picks for the topic of anatomy.

Since starting this blog, I've embraced the word "pussy" and I now use it when speaking with friends. Some of them cringe and giggle, and others, like MW, don't really give it a second thought. I always thought it was such a dirty word; almost uncouth. I don't know what changed my mind... Betty and Carlin did, for one. And likely the fact that "vagina" isn't the right word, and "pussy" is way more fun to say than "vulva".

So, pussy is my genital word of choice. I'm getting a shirt made.

Post Secret!

Yet another gem.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Dirty Words, Ass Smacking, and Moaning

MW called me yesterday (we went shopping on the day that I got the penis sucker and got her another vibrator more suitable for penetration) and she told me that she had an awesome orgasm, almost as good as the ones she has during sex. I had a mini-orgasm out of sheer happiness for her. I don't take credit for her solo orgasmic happiness. I'm just happy I could encourage it. I love her. :D

So, I remember a while ago, having a sex conversation in class. One of my friends said she would purposely fight with her boyfriend just so he would curse her out, call her names, and fuck her hard. I could understand that to an extent. Angry sex seems fun. When I was in high school, I was given a playful (but EXTREMELY HARD) ass smack by Dr. Good Dick after some moderate fondling. Had it been different circumstances, or anyone else, I would have been pissed the fuck off and ripped them a new asshole. But, it was him... And I loved it. I didn't know I was into spanking, but there has to be a reason why I'm always smacking people's asses, though, right?

I use numerous expletives in my blog. I rarely curse verbally. Okay, well... I have a random "Oh, shit!" or "Fuck!" slip out when I'm alone or with friends, but I have to keep it to a minimum, because my parents would lose it if they heard anything worse than "crap" or "darn" escape my lips. "Young ladies shouldn't speak that way. It's so unbecoming," is my daddy's opinion on the issue. I indulge him. He's a sweet guy and doesn't ask much of me, so I don't see much of a reason to fight him on it. With all of that being said, I feel like I would have an issue with being called something like "a dirty bitch" during sex. That isn't sexy to me. I mean, I've been called a bitch more times than I can count, but that's normally because of my exceptionally charming personality. I just can't imagine having some awesome sex and going along with "Yeah, bitch. You like taking this dick, you dirty whore?".... Uh... What? Get the fuck off of me.

I have this vision of gentle domination in my mind. It just mostly involves some guy pushing me onto the bed and giving me the best sex EVER, but telling me I can't have an orgasm until he says so. Oh God, that is so hot. But, the one thing that he does that sends me over the edge? Moan. Moaning is one of the sexiest noises I can listen to. It feels so good, and you're so into it, that you don't even form actual words. Having his lips right next to my ear, quietly moaning with every thrust? That's insanely sensual. I love hearing women moan, too. Not the loud "UHHHH! OHHHHH YES!!!", but the quiet little grunts. I can get off (and have) with my eyes closed, while just listening to a woman softly moan.

So, now I'm fighting the incredible urge to write an entire ass-smacking/dirty word-using/extreme-moaning fantasy about Glenn Close. I don't think I could be seen as more bizarre as I already am... But, why risk it?

Oh, hello, 4:30am

So, here I am. Awake at 4am. I guess my uterus has an alarm clock that releases almost-unbearable cramps at 4am on the second day of my period. I had two orgasms prior to going to sleep, because I knew this was going to happen again. I guess my uterus doesn't take collateral.

I may be the only person that does this, but I can feel my flow before it escapes my labia majora. So, this morning, I rolled over and realized my cup was leaking. I squeezed my legs together and wiggled out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. Damn the Spring allergies, because I totally sneezed before I got to the bathroom and got crimson loveliness all over my gray pajama bottoms. I guess I didn't mind that so much, because well... I needed to do laundry anyway, so I just tossed them in with the other items. I was standing at the washing machine almost hunched over in pain.

I got out the vibrator, had an orgasm, and now I'm sitting pretty. I still wonder what my gynecologist will say when I see her in September. I went off the pill last October and asked one of the nurses to put that in my chart. I don't think orgasms are the "normal" choice for menstrual pain. But, I have total faith in The Amazing Dr. G and that she will understand my decisions to say "fuck you" to birth control and explore other natural approaches. I'm almost excited to hear her ask "So, what are you doing for cramps since you've gone off of the pill?" just so I can smile sheepishly and say "Having regular orgasms". :)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

I'm Missing Out?

So, I was shopping today. I don't mind shopping alone, but when I have more than a few things to buy, I like to talk on the phone to someone until I check out. This particular conversation lasted for about three different stores, driving time included. The topic of interest? Why, sex, of course.

I learned something new today: Apparently, some guys these days think women "cum" because of "white stuff" that ends up on their dick when they're having sex. I... thought that was just vaginal lubrication. Post-ovulation, my cervical fluid is thicker and pale white. When I dip my finger in when I masturbate, it's thick enough to stick in my nail beds. I guess this is the "cum" they're referring to?

She told me that a guy was teaching her how to ride him. He told her to tell him before she comes. At the time, she didn't really know what an orgasm felt like, so she told him that she didn't know when she was going to come, and that it just happened. The white stuff appeared after a while and he said "Oh, you just came. Was it good?" and she responded "...I did? Oh, yeah. It was good." She enjoyed the sex, but didn't orgasm. She also didn't tell him that she didn't come, because she didn't want to kill his ego. I guess my definition of "coming" is different. When I come, I have an orgasm. Squirting/having other fluids on my fingers/toys isn't coming. But, that isn't the only thing that stuck out to me in that conversation.

I was told today that I'm missing out REAL sexual pleasure because I'm not having sex. Nothing compares to the feeling of a dick inside of your pussy, so I'm denying myself. I told her that I didn't feel like I was denying myself of anything, and she asked why. I said "Well... When I'm having an orgasm, arching my back, and clenching the sheets or the headboard... I don't feel like I'm missing much just because there's no dick thrusting into me". To which she responded, "Wow... Really? What the hell are you doing?". She couldn't believe that I was achieving such powerful orgasms by myself. I was almost insulted. WHY ARE SOLO ORGASMS SO SHOCKING?! Why is it so surprising that I can please MYSELF sexually? Why the fuck should I want be dependent on a man to get off? I guess I missed the memo that I'm not allowed to be sexually satisfied without having sex with someone. "Oh, baby. I can only come when I'm with you. Your dick is my orgasmic salvation." Yeah. Fuck that.

I'm not saying that I won't have more powerful orgasms during sex. I'm not saying that I won't absolutely love everything about humping some man meat. But, I'm pretty sure it's safe to say that no one will be able to please me like I can. I still wonder, though... Am I setting myself up for sexual failure and disappointment with such an attitude? Or am a guaranteed a lifetime of sexual pleasure because I know that I can always depend on MYSELF for those body-shaking, headboard-gripping, pussy-pulsing orgasms?

Let's go with the latter, shall we?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Really, Kotex?

Alrighty, time for another period entry. No, I'm not currently menstruating (my boobs are fucking sore, though), but I saw something today that sparked my interest. Before I go on, rest assured that I do realize that not every woman possesses the deep-rooted love for her pussy when it's gushing blood as I do. That's fine. I understand.

I saw a commercial about a girl saying that she loves her period and that it makes her feel like dancing. I was like "Oh my gosh, hell yeah! Finally, some menstrual positivity in a commercial!". Then I realized she was being completely facetious.The commercial then displayed a screen that said "Why are tampon commercials so ridiculous?" ...Huh? Wait... Tampon commercials that DON'T make menstruation feel like the plague are ridiculous? True, I don't really feel like bike-riding and going shopping with "all my best girlfriends" when I'm bleeding (or ever), but damn. Is it THAT horrible?

So, since Kotex thinks that the world of menstruation is nothing but a hassle, they've come out with a new line of pads, tampons, and liners: U By Kotex. (you buy Kotex?)

I went to the website, because the commercial spent more time focusing on how ridiculous tampon commercials are than talking about their damn product. The tampons are supposed to be slimmer and have a tapered tip, but the idea that they're really selling? They're in pretty boxes and wrappers! Yay! Ohmigod, nothing makes anal pressure, bloating, heavy bleeding, and cramps better than stuffing a hot pink tampon up my snatch. FUCK YES! I'M SOLD! I don't know about y'all, but when when I'm on my period, my life is exponentially better when I have a purse full of fluorescent pussy plugs. There's even a Platinum collection "designed for a touch of luxury where you need it most". I wish I had made that up. I know I'm not their target buyer: I'm all into reusable products, tampon strings often irritate my vaginal opening, and I haven't carried a purse in years (though I totally rock a hippie messenger bag most days). But, really?

Fuck you, Kotex. Stop acting like bright colors and funky box designs will make my menstruation experience any different. The ad pissed me off because they made it seem like all women think that monthly bleeding is nothing but a hassle, and moreover, it can be helped by product aesthetics.

Most tampon commercials are one extreme or the other. Either women are groaning with pain and pressure or they're skipping through a field of sunflowers in a white skirt. Why not interview real people with positive (or even neutral) attitudes towards menstruation and air that? "I don't mind my period, and ::insert brand here:: definitely makes it easier to deal with because of their ::insert unique product characteristic here::".

I don't know... In my perfect world, we would all just free bleed and call it a day.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Christians Against Teen Mothers

I don't know if I am offended, pissed, or in disbelief. Now, I am ALL for free speech and saying what you want, when you want. That, however, doesn't mean that I won't think that you're a completely evil idiot for saying what you have to say.

I was on Facebook and one of my friends posted a link about the group: "Christians Against Teen Mothers - The Second Coming" (*WARNING*: THERE ARE GRAPHIC PICTURES). I was surprised at what these people actually had to say: "It's that time again. Time to take a firm stance against the vile creatures that wallow in sin and try to corrupt the innocence of God's once perfect world. Together, we can stop these vile sinners and defend the sanctity of childbirth." It goes on to talk about the Virgin Mary and how these women are whores in today's society and blah blah blah. I didn't flip through the entire group because I have an aversion to pictures of dead babies (...most people do), but I'm pretty sure I saw enough. Apparently, teen moms are single-handedly responsible for corrupting the world. Talk about pussy power.

Now, don't get me wrong... I think you should be "ready" for a baby when you have one. If you're not, then take the precautions to not get pregnant, whether it's to use protection or to be completely abstinent. Do what works for you. If you DO get pregnant, then do what you feel is right. Being a (good) mom is fucking hard, especially if you're young. The emotional, physical, and financial strain is incredible. This group hates teen moms for... What? Getting pregnant and keeping their babies? Say they're raped and choose to keep and raise the child, BECAUSE they're a Christian... Are they considered a whore because they're under the age of 18? It just doesn't make any sense. I guess I missed the connection between getting knocked up and being a whore.

One of my friends pointed out that there was no mention of the fathers in this group, which I find interesting. Takes two to tango, right? So... The moms are the whores and the men are... What? Just men? Is this another situation of "boys will be boys" and the women should know better? Fuck that shit. Don't target teen moms. Don't even target the men who got them that way. It's unproductive and unnecessary.

Another thing is the group title: "Christians Against Teen Mothers". Since when are Christians "against" anyone?! AREN'T CHRISTIANS SUPPOSED TO "LOVE THY NEIGHBOR"?! Today's idea of religion sickens me. I've been a church-goer my entire life. I've always understood that I should love and accept everyone, just like God. I don't love everyone. Sorry. But, I make an honest effort to look at things from all sides. I can't see anything positive in this group. It's unfair and incredibly misogynistic. Why not do something constructive if you're unhappy with the rate of teenage pregnancies? "Men and Women Against Abstinence-Only Sex Ed." is a good start.

I don't feel like we should really promote teen pregnancies, but I don't feel like we should beat girls up over it either. It's just stupid. They're already pregnant. Let's figure out what we can do now and plan for the future.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Post Secret!

I fucking love Post Secret.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Riding the Gear Shift and Fucking a Gay Boy

Stick shift cars always make me horny. Not because of the power or the noise they make (that's actually unappealing to me), but because of the gear shift. Always fiddling and jiggling this almost-phallic little stick just gets me so wet, every single time. My parents bought a Mustang back when I was about eleven. My mom sucks at driving a stick and makes it jerk so hard you could get whiplash, so I started begging my parents to take one of the other cars. This went on for a while, and it wasn't until I was in high school that I started riding in it again and I discovered how hot it makes me to see anyone shifting gears. I started a mental love affair with the damn thing. I fantasized about sneaking out of my house late at night (...which would have been impossible, since we have an alarm system) and rubbing my bare pussy on it, eventually letting it inside of me. It would then magically turn on and rev its engine, the vibrations sending me over the edge. I thought about coating it with my pussy juices and having powerful orgasms, all while the engine responded to my passion. I MASTURBATED to a fantasy about a CAR! God. I don't know if that's twisted... Or just sad. I had a slight case of objectophilia, I suppose.

Thinking of this fantasy, I thought about another one that I still have that's slightly bizarre. In Christina Aguilera's video "Beautiful", there's a scene with two males kissing, VERY passionately, on a bench. Same sex people kissing turns me on. I just love gay men. I want, so badly, to have sex with my good gay friend. I've relayed this to him and asked if he would take my virginity (half joking/half serious), and his response was "Yeah.. If you would give me a baby". Fuck that shit. He lost some appeal with that comment, but I'd still jump on him. He's tall (6'5) and always dresses well and smells amazing. He's funny and crude and smart. He's so perfect for me. Damn him having an aversion to pussy. But, in all honesty, me knowing that he's gay and all, I'd still marry him. How awesome would that marriage be? He does his thing thing, I do mine, but he makes one exception for me. I have the only pussy he'll fill and fuck. I could even fuck him in a Mustang and then get on the gear shift while he makes out with his partner. Then, out of nowhere, Glenn Close walks up and knocks on the window with a suggestive grin.

Oh dear Lord.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Penis Suckers and Sex Toys

MW bought me a penis sucker today. It's been shoved into my mouth since I got home. I have to be all sneaky about it, because I can only imagine my parents reaction to see me sucking intently on a candy penis. I've sucked all the color off of the shaft and head. I can't wait to get to the balls. :P

I'd would be bold-faced lying if I said that I didn't get slightly turned on with a dick-shaped sucker sliding all over my tongue. It also got me thinking about all the things I've seen/thought about being shoved in a pussy. I've read a Solotouch story about a girl inserting one of those big peppermint sticks that they sell around Christmas time. Infections, anyone? I've seen a bat, a tennis ball, vegetables, and even a SQUID being inserted into a pussy. Yes... A squid. You know... The sea animal? All of these things weren't used for pleasure, though; just shock value.

I'm not innocent. I ruined my first cellphone because I used it as a vibrator. I got Vaseline into the hole that picks up voice, so I could hear people, but they couldn't hear me. I also bought a Crest Spinbrush for the sole purpose of using it to masturbate. Back then, I just wanted something different besides my hands to get me off. I've always thought it was such bullshit that you have to be 18 to buy sex toys, but there are no age limitations on who can buy condoms. True, condoms are for protection, but they could also facilitate sexual pleasure for some people, just as sex toys could. I think that may be why girls turn to ridiculous things for solo sexual fulfillment.

Oprah did some special on sex toys and whether or not to give them to girls under the age of 18. I didn't watch it, but I used to post on a forum, and it was brought up. Some mothers thought it was a great idea. Some mothers were indifferent- "I'm not buying it, but I don't care if she has one". Some mothers were absolutely horrified at the thought of their precious angels actually ::gasps:: PLEASING THEMSELVES SEXUALLY! Oh shit! If they're masturbating, they're going to move on to having sex and become a "whore". Masturbation is like a gateway drug to other horrible things. Hell no, son. I'm a prime example. If I ever have a daughter, I wouldn't mind her having a vibrator at all. Hell, I'd get her one. No one should be denied the fun sensations of toy-induced orgasms because they're a minor.

I wonder, if they lowered the age for the purchase of sex toys to just 16, if the number of teen pregnancies and STDs would go down. I'm not at all saying that teen pregnancies result from the innate need to get off, but I'm sure it would help. Or maybe masturbation/the use of toys should be taught in all sex education classes. Alternatives methods (besides abstinence) should be taught. Give the kids some options. I took sex ed. over three times in my entire school career, and not ONCE was masturbation ever mentioned. Along with teaching me how to put a condom on a banana, teach me that, if I choose to not practice this intricate skill on a penis, I can still be sexually satisfied by myself. Pass out free condoms and pocket rockets at the end of the seminar.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


I suppose I'm open to oral sex... But, this is NOT how I envisioned eating pussy. Click here for a pussy cake... Of the bloody variety.

In Case You Miss(ed) It

MW commented on yesterday's entry:

Heh. I love this, and I'm totally addicted to your blogs. You have a way with writing that amazes me, and you've helped me open up and not be scared of who I am, what I do, or how I do it. It's so much more than reading about orgasms and what not, it's learning how to be comfy with myself and who I am. Love you!

How awesome is that? I love that bitch.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My Favorite Pastime

It's official. I am starting a clan of masturbating women. I only have one recruit right now, but I plan to expand. My little masturbating minions. My friend who is the military wife (now dubbed MW for further entries) called me (while I had the vibrator running, of course) and told me "You were right! Orgasms really DO help with cramps. I've been having orgasms with my toy since the day after we got it!" She's only ever had one solo orgasm, so it excites me to no end that she's getting off daily. Ha. I hope I've converted her to a chronic masturbator.

I wish masturbatory acceptance was more wide spread around here. We should still have the mentality we had when we were kids. We didn't have inhibitions or embarrassment; we just knew that it felt good to rub or diddle or hump, so we did it when we felt like it. I just still can't believe my friends were surprised that I've been having orgasms since I was twelve. I'm surprised I didn't orgasm UNTIL I was twelve. It was such an epiphany moment: "Damn... Why haven't I been doing this before now?!". I think MW had the same one. I applaud her, because I never used to masturbate during my period. I thought it was dirty and disgusting and I would stain the sheets and my mom would kill me. Now? I get right down in there, bloody fingers and and all. It took me years to do it, though.

One friend claims she just doesn't get horny. What? Wait... Okay, half the time I masturbate, I'm not "horny". I mean, as I've said, I'm always in a general state of arousal, but it's not all the time that I'll see something or have a conversation that gives me the undeniable urge to get off. I'll either just start touching myself or watch porn/read a Solotouch story and have an orgasm. I guess it's out of boredom? I mean, I just like love to have orgasms. Some people will write or knit or clean... I'll masturbate. It's my favorite pastime. I told said friend to start touching herself and even showed her Betty Dodson's "First Time Orgasm"... I think she still feels awkward and uncomfortable. I... don't really understand it. It's like any other goal: If you want it, go after it. It's your body, dude. I think (and hope) she'll come around. Life is exponentially better when you have the amazing ability to make yourself come.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Forbidden Fruit

Snippet of text conversation (I've fixed the grammar, as I don't use/severely hate "text speak"):

Guy: Remember all that nasty stuff we used to talk about?
Me: Yeah. I miss it.
Guy: I thought you said you didn't like it!
Me: If I didn't like it, then why did I keep responding?
Guy: Yeah. I know. You still masturbate?
Me: Duh. I don't have any available dick.
Guy: Thought you were waiting until you got married.
Me: That's kind of changed.
Guy: Well... I have some available dick. Always did for you.
Me: What are you going to do with it?
Guy: Whatever you want.
Me: ::doesn't respond for a second::
Guy: My girlfriend won't mind.
Me: ::hears tires screech in my mind::

WHAT?! Damn.

Said guy and I go back to the time when I was about sixteen (a whole three years ago). He was one of the three boys in the sexual rotation I had going on in high school. We talk occasionally, and it's normally sexual. It's always fun to slide open my phone with something to read about a hard dick. But, whatever. He NEVER had girlfriends... EVER. For this reason exactly: He's a freak. I felt horrible for talking to him about sex and masturbation while he's in a relationship. Dude, seriously? Come on. I wouldn't consider our exchanges "cheating", per se, but if he were my boyfriend, I wouldn't want him talking about his dick and what he would do to another girl.

Cheating is such an issue in young relationships. Trying to keep someone else happy and satisfied can conflict with keeping yourself happy and satisfied (...or you're just greedy). I can't see myself ever (knowingly) being the "other woman". I know how terrible I would feel if I was giving my all to a relationship, being faithful and honest, and he was poking some other bitch on the side. Am I not good enough? Does he not love me? What the fuck is that bitch doing that I'm not? I mean... I'm all for open relationships, but everyone should be on the same page.

In a perfect world and in perfect relationships, both partners are free to talk about everything and anything, including things of the sexual nature. But, that isn't always how it is. How much fun can sex be if you're not going where you want to go? So... I can *almost* understand why cheating would seem like a good idea. That's almost a fantasy of mine: To never be tied down and to experience all the dick I want. To get a taste of everything. But, I suppose that's a bit unrealistic.

Tyra Banks (whom I severely dislike) once said "Flirt like crazy with her, but then come home and do me". Yeah. I could go for that. But, I'm sure that could turn into the patented "Oh, yes, ::insert other girl's name here::" during an orgasm. That would suck hardcore.

I didn't apologize for saying the things I said, because I don't regret saying them. It's just that I WOULDN'T have said them had I have known that he had a girlfriend. Oh well. There's plenty of other dick in the sea.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Post Secret!

That's incredibly hot.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Oral Fixation?

I have one. I actually just realized it today. When I was younger, I used to suck my first two fingers. I stopped in second grade, because I got my front adult teeth and they were so gapped, I could fit my pinky in between them. I got braces to fix said gap, and my orthodontist recommended that I start wearing socks on my hands at night to break the habit. It worked until third grade, when I got the braces off. I started sucking my pinky, then. My parents never really said anything, because I mostly did it at night. Some kids sleep with a teddy bear... I slept with my finger in my mouth (with the other hand in my pants). I lost all of my baby teeth and got a full mouth of braces from fifth to seventh grade, and I had finally kicked the finger-sucking habit for good. I eventually started sucking my tongue, though. I fold it in this weird way in my mouth to make it thicker, and I suck away. I still do that to this day. I love the feeling of having something to suck on.

I keep a box of suckers in my closet. I have suckers in my car. I stopped at a store today after tearing my armrest apart and realizing I didn't have any left. During high school, I kept sugar-free hard candies in my locker (it's a bit rude to be slurping away on a Blow Pop during class). The taste doesn't matter; I just always have needed the sensation of having things in my mouth to suck and play with. When I started choir, my instructor would do "cheek checks" with me because I always had candy in my mouth during rehearsals. I seem to be a chronic nail biter, and I used to keep pen tops in my mouth when I did homework. I strongly considered getting my tongue pierced... Until my mom freaked the fuck out and said there was no way possible that was going to happen.

It can sometimes be an idle habit, or a deep-rooted sexual sensation that needs to be satisfied. I think that's one of the reasons why I so look forward to oral sex. When I get horny and I can't masturbate, I stick a Super Blow Pop in my mouth. It doesn't really get me off. It just "holds me over" and occupies me until I can touch myself. I think my pussy and my mouth sensations are reversed. I've always fantasized about Dr. Good Dick filling my mouth and throat with his hard and thick member. Him spurting semen into me is just an added sexy bonus.

Hm. Interesting. I'm likely a future member of "Cock Suckers Anonymous".

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Sex Shop Trip

So, I have a friend that's a young military wife. Her husband is away for a few months and, since she's not the cheating kind (kudos), she needs to get her sexual rocks off before she loses it. We went to one of our town's three sex shops today to look at their toy selection. I'm always up to go look at toys.

On the way to lunch, before we went to the shop, we were discussing masturbation. She's only masturbated (to orgasm) ONE TIME in her life! And this was when she was a late teenager! I was shocked. I said "You never get the urge?! YOU NEVER JUST WANT TO TOUCH YOURSELF?!" and she just said no. Now that she's married and is having regular sex (and regular orgasms), she doesn't really see the need to masturbate. Right on. So, I was telling her how I've been masturbating since early childhood in preschool and I had my first orgasm at twelve, and she said that when she was younger, there was a specific chair that used to rub her between her legs. She didn't realize what she was doing at the time; she just knew it felt good. I thought it to be so funny that so many people have similar stories about their first memories of masturbation. I never humped an object, to my recollection. I would just last on my stomach and rock my pussy on my hands.

Anyway, her being a "toy virgin", I asked her what sensations she liked and I humbly recommended the bullet, since it's something I've tried and it's not expensive. They're great to tuck in between your lips and close your legs and just grind on. She loves her clit (then again, what's NOT to love). Bullets are great for centralized clitoral stimulation. The selection wasn't huge and our options were slim, but she decided on the "Tempting Teeze-Her Power Pack" in purple. There was one out on the table to "play with" and feel the vibrations. For it to look so cheap and flimsy, that thing packs a punch. It has NINE speeds. I want one. The bullet I had (which is fucking broken) only had three. I'm still very happy with my WD, though. It still thrills me and gives me good orgasms on my back and on my stomach.

She said she was going to try it tonight. I told her that she shouldn't go in with huge expectations. Just do what feels good. I think she'll get a good come. We were walking around the store and both starting to get extremely turned on. I love sharing those types of things with people like her. She's one of the few people that I know "in real life" that actually knows about my blog and likes it, though she can't really relate to my weird and sexy love for certain people. People should talk about sex more often. We'd all be happier, I think.

There was even a long and purple double-headed dildo, to which I said, outright, "Ohhh, what I wouldn't give to try that out with Glenn Close." No, seriously... Glenn Close is going to arrive at my door one day, call me her bitch, and tell me that I'm moving away with her. It's going to happen. It's my destiny.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

BBCs, Gangbangs, and Dr. Good Dick

I've been watching porn more often lately. Since my night of drunken shenanigans, I've been idly touching myself a lot. More often than usual, if you can believe it. While cooking, while vacuuming, and definitely while showering. I don't know what's going on, but fuck... I'm not complaining.

My porn tastes switch up so often. For a while, I was into squirting lesbian porn, then tranny cumshot porn, and now I'm all about BBCs (big black cocks) and gang bangs. Apparently, "housewives" are all the rage for these porn scenes, which makes it interracial... Because um... I guess black women can't be housewives, lol. That's cool, though. I like vanilla and chocolate. These scenes are like my fucking fantasies personified. I don't know where this stems from. When I was in high school, I rotated between three guys to get off (more or less), so I guess the appeal of multiple partners started then. Especially one guy who had a huge dick. I still clearly remember the veins and the color of his head and everything. Though the experiences I had with that amazing piece of man-meat were awkward and not very pleasurable at the time, just thinking about what I would do to that massive dick now gets me off to this day. Dr. Good Dick is what I've dubbed him in my mind.

These days, I'm solely clitoral. No penetration unless I'm dipping in to get some pussy lube to rub on my clit, but when I watch these videos... I ACHE for the feeling of penetration from a huge and throbbing cock. Penetration hurts me, though, when I use a penis-shaped vibrator. But, I wonder, in the heat of the moment, with all the pussy juices flowing and the clitoral stimulation, if I could comfortably take a dick. And even if it hurt, maybe it'll "hurt so good" and I won't want to stop. Dr. Good Dick asked "Would you let me freak you?" when I was a junior, to which I responded "NO!!!". We fondled and had our fun, but I wasn't going to let it progress that far. I was just too scared. I saw him in December. We ran into each other in a store. My eyes went immediately to his crotch, but he had on basketball shorts, so there was no bulge to be seen. My hair was in a messy bun and I just looked like overall shit, so I said a quick hello and carried on my way. I should find his number. I wonder what he's up to now. I wonder if we could pick up from where we left off. Doubtful.

It's still hard for me to separate my sexual fantasies from my sexual reality. I feel like, eventually, I'm going to have to stop analyzing everything and just fucking do it. Regret isn't something that always goes away, though. Maybe masturbation will always be enough for me, even though I could sure go for some Dr. Good Dick right now. I just know that if he was standing in my room at this very moment, cock standing up and everything, I wouldn't be able to do anything. Maybe I've sexually plateaued and I need to just push through and fuck somebody. Or start small. Have some guy stick a finger in my pussy or I give him oral sex. Have a taste of the icing before I buy the whole cake. Hmm. I do love sweets. :P

General Statement

I'm broke. Anybody wanna throw a few million my way? I'll turn some cyber tricks for you. Come on, you're tempted. Anyone? Anyone?

100th Entry

::throws confetti into the air and flashes titties:: THIS IS MY 100TH ENTRY! No one to celebrate with, since so few "real life" friends know about this blog. I feel like I should talk about something out of the ordinary, but I don't know what to say. I've written about everything personal.

I just feel like this blog has let me finally be who I am. Without it, I would have never been comfortable enough to admit that I masturbate multiple times a day, or that my pussy aches for the caress of Glenn Close, or share my few and awkward experiences with males. True, I've always been incredibly perverted and I talk about banging people's moms and such, but I never had the nerve to be honest about my sexuality. Maybe I'm incredibly weird (probably), but no one I know can relate to me on such an eccentrically sexual level. That, and I went from one extreme to another in what seemed to be overnight. For my whole life, up until October of last year, I wanted to get married and have as many kids as God allowed. By December, I wanted nothing to do with marriage and I hated kids (to be honest, I never liked kids. I just figured I'd like MINE. No. I don't want kids. Ever). Then... I'm not really sure what happened. I had my first gynecologist appointment, and I was asked if I was sexually active, to which I gave the patented "Oh, no. I'm waiting until I'm married." The Amazing Dr. G responded "Well, that's a good choice! You won't have to worry about unwanted pregnancies or STDs." I think that's when the gears started turning. I reevaluated my reasons for wanting to get married (that's what I'm "supposed" to do. Women are supposed to serve men and be fruitful and multiply) and started thinking about alternative lifestyles. I learned to explore things that were religiously wrong, but still spiritually right for me.

I've relayed my different outlook to several people. Some say it's been a long time coming, and some just don't understand it. I can't say that I blame them. It's hard to not become a product of your upbringing. It seems like every time I sign on the Facebook, a girl is a "mommy to be" or has new pictures of their babies with an engagement ring to follow (though that's assbackwards in reference to what we're taught). Kudos to them if that's what they want out of life, but I just can't see that for myself... I think. I don't have it all figured out. It's hard for me because I don't want to disappoint my parents, but I still want to be happy. I still sometimes fear judgment, but I refuse to let the opinions of other people dictate what I'm going to do with my life. I foresee a lot of self-discovery, especially when I get out on my own. I plan to carry this blog on until... Well, forever. I'll continue write about my changing feelings about sexuality. I'll write about my frustrations with the unknown. And I'll write about my first sexual experiences and those that follow. I'd have to change the name, though, which would suck. Maybe I'll just make it "The (no longer) Virgin Monoblog". The first 100 entries were amazingly personal and helped me discover things about myself I would have never thought I had inside of me. Or maybe I always knew it was there... I've just finally learned to accept it.

So, that's where I stand. I'm still unraveling the tangled ball of yarn that is my sexuality. I'm a sexual work in progress.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Smell of Tequila and Pussy

You know, it seems like way longer than five days since I've blogged. I had my doubts that the charger would even work, but it did. Super awesome, yo.

I got drunk for the first time ever this past weekend. The most alcohol I've had is a mixed drink my mom made when we were on vacation, and a few sips of wine here and there at restaurants. We don't keep alcohol in the house, and I don't party, so I haven't had numerous opportunities to ingest larger amounts of alcohol (that, and I'm scared shitless of being caught drunk by my parents/I'm not even 20 yet). I set out to just be tipsy, so I could see what it felt like... That isn't how it ended. I spent the night with two friends and I had quite the assortment of alcoholic beverages. Most of which was tequila mixed with dollar store lemon-lime soda. It tasted like pure ass. I kid you not. But, I didn't care. I wanted to get tipsy and dammit, I was going to do it. Two 16 oz cups of that shit and numerous shots later, I was off my ass. Reactions ranged from me laughing hysterically (which isn't out of the ordinary) to me being totally quiet, to me sobbing hysterically (tears and all) and screaming "PLEASE DON'T HATE ME, ::insert friend's name here::! I'M SO SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HATE ME! Oh my God... WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?!!!", to me yelling "Fuck you, BITCH! Shut up!" to my friend. I wish I would have gotten so drunk that I DON'T remember what happened. I'm normally a very collected person. I don't make waves. You couldn't point me out in a crowd. Damn my drunk-ass self. I can't say it's something I'd like to experience again, but it was fun for the time it lasted. I would have likely blacked out if my drink wasn't taken away, because I was throwing that shit back like it was Gatorade. It got to the point that I wasn't even feeling the burn of the alcohol anymore. I'm disappointed in myself. I should have made better choices. And if my parents ever find out, they would be horribly upset. But, everyone's allowed one, right? I likely won't do it again.

I was dropped off at my house at about 9am (left my car at home). I couldn't even walk in a straight line. I was still in my pajamas, but I had on a hoodie so my mom couldn't make out my half-lidded, bloodshot eyes. I got in the shower, hoping I would feel better. I was washing as I normally would, and I don't know if it was my imagination or what, but my clit seemed bigger and more sensitive. I was sitting on the side of the tub in a drunken delirium, fingers soaped up, rubbing my clit and moaning... Loudly. I had an incredibly powerful orgasm, which caused me to fall backwards, laughing and twitching. I got dressed, still wet, and threw myself on the bed. I don't have a big clitoris. I'd say it's average sized. But, on that day, I could feel it rubbing my underwear. I was hornier than I've been in a while (months, maybe). I never hear about people being hungover and extremely horny. I think I masturbated five or six times within a couple of hours before I passed out. I woke up and my panties were drenched, and I realized that tequila burps and the smell of pussy is oddly appealing. :X Saturday is a bit of a blur in my mind, but I vividly remember those powerful drunken orgasms. If I could skip the embarrassment and feeling sick, I would drink every-fucking-day just to have a good come.