Thursday, July 29, 2010

My Deep Pussy

Guys... I have a confession to make: I (according to The Amazing Dr. G) have a deep pussy. I talked about it a little in this entry.

I accompanied a friend to her very first gynecologist appointment yesterday. It was such an adventure. She had to pee in a cup and she couldn't... So, we pissed away (hah) a half hour of me cracking jokes, playing zen raindrop sounds on my iPod, and telling her if she didn't fucking piss soon, I would take the cup in the bathroom my damn self and handle business. She finally peed and went into the room to get her pap smear. She comes out, and while we're leaving, she tells me "Oh, yeah. She used a pediatric speculum since I'm a virgin." Oh? Did she, now?

I was a little embarrassed to hear that, because at my last gynecologist appointment, she actually asked the nurse if they had a longer speculum. Really, Dr. G? A LONGER one? She might as well just have said "Damn, bitch! Your snatch is like a fucking tunnel! ::starts yodeling into my pussy and hears an echo::".

On the drive home, I thought about it. I have the amazing ability to over-think things and concoct complete bullshit scenarios that can never come true, but I still believe them. Is my pussy the long and narrow opposite of my short and fat feet? I can stick my middle finger in and touch the tip of my cervix. That's normal. What the fuck is wrong with my pussy? Then, I remembered: When you're sexually aroused, the vagina elongates, and the cervix sits higher. Dr. G probably thought I was totally horny. Nice.

I don't know. I suppose it shouldn't bother me, since well... There isn't really anything I can do. Kegels won't shorten your vagina, and I don't have much of a problem with tightness. Fuck that speculum.

I'll find a dick that's perfect for my tunnel snatch.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Interracial Relationships

I was talking to a friend today, and asked her opinion on interracial relationships. She said that she thought they were fine and didn't see a problem with them. I then asked her if she would ever date a black man. I was actually surprised that she said no. I wasn't offended. Just a little shocked that she didn't think it was a possibility.

When I asked her why, she said the patented "I wouldn't want our kids to go through ridicule or anything." That is the number one excuse I hear from people around here when it comes to interracial dating. Honestly, I would rather someone say "I just think black people are ugly" than that bullshit, because it's untrue. I've lived here for all twenty years of my life. I have always attended a public school. I can also always remember having someone of a mixed racial background in my classes. I can't, however, remember anyone picking on them because they were more lightly complected that the average black person. WHEN DOES THAT EVER HAPPEN?! I asked her, and she said "Well, I haven't seen it, but I've heard stories about mixed kids being picked on." ...really? Stop it. Kids will be kids. You could be the most beautiful and flawless child ever, and someone is going to pick on you. Skin color, especially in fucking 2010, isn't one of those things that they're going to choose as your "flaw".

One thing I've noticed, especially here, is that the DARKER you are, the bigger chance you have of being picked on. Lighter skinned girls are often considered prettier. I'm neither dark nor light, so I haven't really seen either end of the spectrum. If you're lighter, you're exotic. Throw in some "good hair" with that, and you are a top notch bitch. A dark skinned girl doesn't normally have such luck. I remember when I was a freshman in high school, and there was a darker skinned girl in my science class. One of the guys are touching her neck and she turned around and hit him (rightfully so), and he said to our teacher "Get this black beast off of me!" He was also black, just a lighter flavor. That's the first place people always go if you're darker skinned. "She's cute for a dark skinned girl", like it's some physical handicap that you're coping with well.

Anyway, my friend eventually admitted that black men just don't "do it for her", meaning she just isn't attracted to black people. Fine. That's also something I've heard. I don't think I could ever discount an entire group of people when it comes to possible partners, but if she does, then that's entirely her prerogative. I just hate that she didn't really want to "look bad", so she passed it off on not wanting her kids to have to suffer the woes of being light skinned, like it was some time of noble decision she was making.

She started to get upset and emotional... I'm not really sure why.. I guess it's always hard to have your beliefs challenged. We eventually ended the discussion and moved to something else. I don't know. I guess she was trying to avoid offending me. She knows who I am. I'm not the type of person to be easily "offended" by anything racial. It was just an interesting topic to talk about with someone who had a different opinion.

Whatever, dude. We all have our prejudices, right? We also always have exceptions to our prejudices. I hope that, if she finds someone with every possible trait that she loves, their skin color won't matter.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Thinking Off

I'm watching another "Strange Sex" documentary. It wasn't as interesting as the last one I saw, and I was switching back and forth, but I caught an amazingly interesting segment with a woman who made me think of Betty Dodson.

Barbara Carellas assists people in reaching orgasm. Not through genital stimulation, though. They achieve orgasm through their mind. She calls it "thinking off", which is a play off of "jacking/jilling off", I'd assume. Some people call it an "energy orgasm". Nonetheless, no genital touching is done to make you come.

The camera taped her having one of these orgasms. She was fully clothed and squirming around on the floor, moaning, arching her back, and trembling. She was INCREDIBLY vocal and ended the energy orgasm laughing hysterically and moaning loudly. From afar, it seemed fun and pleasurable. She says that some people can have an orgasm from thinking about fantasy, and with others, it's just with breathing and movement of energy.

She actually does workshops where people lay on the floor and experience these thinking orgasms. It's almost like tantric yoga. They would lay on mats, with their eyes closed, and she would talk them through to their orgasm. There were different reactions with the five or six people in the workshops. Some were moaning and moving a lot, others were just breathing deeply with minimal movement. It varied from person to person, just like genital orgasms do.

She went to a laboratory where they monitored her brain activity during these thinking orgasms. Apparently, she is, indeed, experiencing an orgasm comparable to a genital orgasm. Barbara thinks this could change the entire idea of orgasms for so many people. People who have experienced genital mutilation or people who are intersexed or even people who think they can't orgasm at all can learn to have an orgasm with no genital touching.

I've heard of this before. People being able to come without touching themselves. I even tried it a few times. Maybe I didn't do it right. I mean, I got wet and turned on, but I also got frustrated. When I masturbate, the ultimate goal is an orgasm. I never really have a problem getting there and I'm almost always satisfied. I wonder if it would be the same way with a mental orgasm. I would love to experience it, to really see if I'm "capable" of coming without touching myself.

I still question it, though. I often compare other pleasurable things in my life with an orgasm. If I eat something that's good, but not amazing, I'll say something like "It's okay, but I'm not having a foodgasm or anything". Orgasms are the pinnacle of extreme pleasure and there's nothing like it. Could I achieve that without touching my clitoris? I guess I'd say I'm doubtful, but open.

What Color Would Your Dress Be?

Last night (or, this morning), I was watching some really shitty stand up with Martin Lawrence. I don't think he's very funny, but nothing else was on at 3am, so I watched.

Well, he pissed me off before I was twenty minutes in, by comparing all women's pussies to cars and how they need to be "test driven" before marriage. While I'm normally a very literal person, I can appreciate a good simile or metaphor. That just wasn't a good one.

So, he talked about the color that women choose for their wedding dresses, and how it's always white. We all know that white is supposed to represent purity. He thinks that some women should be choosing darker colors. Why? Because if your dress color represents your "sexual history", white shouldn't be the choice for most women.

Before I realized that I don't want to get married for quite a while, if at all, I thought a lot about my wedding dress. I was unsure about the design, but I knew I wanted the whitest dress possible. Of course, my mom completely agreed. I wanted to show people that there were still girls that had "values" and I would make it a point to tell people that I had saved myself, completely, for my husband. I would have my first kiss with him, in that dress. It would be perfect, spiritual, and innocent.

...clearly, that ship has sailed... Hell, it fucking hit an iceberg and exploded.

Then I started thinking: What if I got married tomorrow? What color should my dress be by his standards? I'm hardly a "whore", but I'm not completely and totally pure, either. So, a cream color? Or beige, which looks like dirty white? Since, I mean, I'm a dirty virgin, right? What about girls who lost their virginity to their husbands? Does that make a difference? Or, what about girls who fuck for money? Should theirs be green? Then there are the girls who had massive amounts of sex with different people, simply because they wanted to. I guess black is the only option for them. Such shameful human beings they are.

Then I thought about it... WHY is it ANYONE'S business who I've fucked? Why would anyone care? How will your life change if I give you a list of all sexual things I've done in my life? The thought process behind the color of a dress a woman wears is so archaic and unfair. I can't believe I actually entertained the idea of notifying people of my "level of purity". How degrading.

So, I'm making it a point to ask the different women in my life what color their wedding dresses would be if they lived by the purity code. I can bet a large amount of money that the majority of the responses won't be "white".

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

"You're Just Confused"

Question. Is bisexuality real? Or, deep down, are you definitely gay or straight? Can you really like both?

My second question is... Does sexual preference (or orientation or sexuality or whatever word) refer to JUST sex, or romance? Like "Oh, I like to make out/have sex with women, but I only want a relationship with a man." That sounds a bit greedy, I suppose.

Anyway, when I was in high school, I had an older teacher that I got really close to. I know what you're thinking, but no... I didn't want to fuck her. She was seriously like the mom I never had, but always needed. Anyway, we frequently emailed after I graduated, but we stopped talking several months ago. She then emailed me and asked me for some updates about my life. Well, considering I'm the most boring person ever, I didn't have much to say, but I told her about the sexual changes I was experiencing and how it was a big transition and a lot to handle sometimes.

Her response? "You're just confused. Just look to God and He'll guide you."

::sigh::

I forgot that she is a Bible-thumping, hymn-singing, Jesus-loving, frequently-praying child of God. I FORGOT that she PRAYED for the "gay demons to release themselves" from my friend. Yes. Gay demons. And somehow, he is still a flaming homo who loves anal sex and rim jobs. Go figure.

I love, and hate, that quality in her. The religiosity, I mean. At that point, I don't know what I wanted to hear from her, but it definitely wasn't spiritual guidance. I was saddened, insulted, and embarrassed by her reply. I mean, is unorthodox sexuality such a far out "idea" that she won't even entertain the fact that it might be a reality for me? Hell, even my best friend suggested that it's just a phase.

Attraction isn't just about sex, though, is it? People don't commonly fall in love with a person's dick over their personality... Huh... Well, they do, but not in every case. It's their humor, their eyes, their calm nature, or another distinct and personal quality that (sometimes) attracts and person to a person. So, if that's true, why isn't it okay for me to be attracted to a WOMAN for those reasons? If she has every quality that I love, why should her genitalia change how I feel about her?

It shouldn't. Maybe I'm not confused... Maybe I'm finally figuring things out.

Janet!

Janet Jackson, you are a dirty whore.

And I fucking LOVE it. This video makes me want to masturbate like a fiend. (Fun Fact: Her birthday is the day after mine)

I have my volume off, because the random "WHOO!" from the audience pisses me off, but the music isn't important. My favorite part is the very end, 3:25 to the end. ::totally wet panties::

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Post Secret!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Under Construction

See the new template? Yeah... It's 4:55am and I thought "Hey! I haven't had a new template in a while. Maybe it's time for a change". For some reason, I'm totally in love with the pink and purple. I'm still tweaking some things (like trying to figure out how to change the description font), but I'm so tired. Odds are, I'll wake up in a few hours and realize that I've fucked my blog up and I'll revert back to the old template.

There's actually a 80% chance of that happening. Good night (morning).

Thursday, July 8, 2010

My First Rabbit

I got my very first rabbit vibrator. And I think it took my virginity (figuratively, anyway).

A good friend of mine bought it for me for my birthday. It was on back order, so I didn't get it until we came back from vacation.

Whenever I try a new toy, I masturbate with my fingers first, bringing myself to the brink of an orgasm, and then I switch the toy on and finish. That way, I'm going to come, regardless. If the toy sucks, I can quickly finish with my hands (or the trusty WD) with no frustration.

I've said before that I'm not too keen on penetration, but as I've gotten older, started trying new things (like dick sucking), and masturbating more often, it's really grown on me. Sometimes I even crave to have something inside of me. This toy satiates that craving with the quickness. Seriously.

So, I started masturbating and starting getting close to an orgasm, and I switched it on. Aesthetics aside (I mean, it's a gorgeous toy, if I do say so myself), this thing packs a fucking punch. For one, I don't know if my pussy is just tight, or if this thing is just huge, but it took some moderate (but oddly pleasurable) struggling to get it inside of me. It didn't dawn on me that my pussy juice may not suffice as adequate lube, but it was more of a "it hurts so good" thing. Anyway, once inserted, I played with the settings. One button controls the "whirring" motion of the head and the other controls the vibration of the rabbit... Which is actually somewhat of a butterfly-slug-thing. It even has a button to reverse the directions of the whirring and beads inside.

I love strong vibrations. VERY strong, actually (which is odd, because one tap on my clit makes me shudder). The toy could have stronger, but the combination of the penetration and vibration is sublime. I think I was using that thing for a total of five minutes before I had a lip-biting, back-arching, toe-curling orgasm. Holy fuck. I haven't had one of those in a while. It took a lot out of me. So much so that I know that I couldn't use it everyday. It's too much for me. It seriously depletes me of energy after I come. That, and my moaning would alert the parentals.

So, anyway, I go to the bathroom and look at the toilet paper and I notice a tiny smear of blood. No, no. I haven't started my period. It actually tore me. That fucking toy TORE my PUSSY.

And I loved every minute of it. Such a twisted little masochist I am.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Fuck PMS

You know what I fucking hate? I hate it when people (men especially) see a woman in a bad mood and they ask "Are you on your period?" Shut the fuck up, asshole. ...and yes, this has recently happened to me, which is why the following entry is incredibly bitchy (and likely overactive), but rest assured... I'm being a bitch because I fucking feel like it... Not because I'm nearing menses.

Number one, I feel like too many women rely on the theory of having PMDD/PMS just as an excuse to be a complete bitch. Seriously? Stop your shit. I will readily admit that, before my period, I am noticeably more weepy or easily upset, but my fucking JUDGMENT is not impaired. I still possess the ability to treat people humanely. Menstruating is not an "excuse" to be a bitch. My mom, for example, is pure evil when she's on her period. Granted, she's not the nicest woman when she isn't menstruating, but when she is, I just steer clear. Maybe I'm ignorant. Maybe the fluctuation of hormones really is to blame for treating someone like shit, yelling, crying, and acting like a fucking toddler... And yet.. I somehow doubt it.

Don't give men (or anyone, for that matter) another excuse to degrade you solely for being a woman. Is she mad? PMS. Is she sad? PMS. Is she yelling? That bitch must be PMSing. Maybe I'm mad because you're a complete dipshit and you've personally offended me by something you've said. Maybe I'm sad because of those damn ASPCA where Sarah McLachlan makes me feel like a heartless bitch because I don't donate money to crippled cats. My hormonal balance doesn't have to be called into question any time I'm not in this realm of unending happiness. No, I'm not making sweeping generalizations. I know there are women who, indeed, suffer from PMDD. I know there are women who are like me, and normally experience mild emotional changes. There are also women who notice no emotional change at all. I just hate that it's a canned excuse for both genders to use. It's such a crutch.

I can identify when I'm being an overemotional idiot. I realize when I'm being irrational, and I distance myself from the situation until I can respond maturely. Nine times out of ten, it's not even related to hormones; it's just displaced anger. I wonder if that's the case for other women, too. I wonder what will happen when I'm in my 60's, obviously past my menstruating years. If I get pissed about something, I guess I'll just be an old bat slipping into senescence.

I've completely exhausted myself on the topic. I suppose I wouldn't be so bothered about it if someone hadn't have said it to me. I just want to be taken seriously when I'm feeling passionately about something because I'm a person. Not because I'm "a woman, and it may be my time of the month."

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Post Secret!

Friday, July 2, 2010

My First Condom

If you can believe it, I didn't see a condom in real life until I was a senior in high school. Not even just a senior, but a mere few weeks before graduation. Apparently, people were familiar with condoms long before high school, so I was behind.

Anyway, I have a friend who was accepted to Yale (yeah, that bitch is smart). She flew all the way up to Connecticut to visit during "Sex Week". She texted us and told us all of the goodies she was getting. She had gotten two vibrating rings and was giving one away. I was the only one who was openly masturbatory, so I didn't think I had to voice how badly I wanted it. Apparently I did, because another friend called dibs on it before I did. So, my friend told me all she had was some condoms and a pamphlet. "Fuck the pamphlet. Bring me some condoms!" is what I hollered into the phone.

So, we hatched the plan. It was like a fucking drug deal. The school had become privy to the "Zane" series, which were books that got deeply into sex, so they were banning anything that even HINTED that it could be sexual in any way. She was supposed to be at her locker before the last bell, I was to casually walk by with my purse open and pretend I had no idea that she was dropping sexual contraband into it. It went down without a hitch and I walked to my World History class, my heart beating so loudly that I could hear it in my ears. I walked in and sat in my desk. My friend tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped out of my fucking skin.

She knows! I thought to myself. She was going to out me and people would think I was having sex. My parents would find out and I would be sent to the youth detention center for being disobedient. I wouldn't get to graduate with my class and I wouldn't have any friends. I would be a maladjusted virgin whose only wrongdoing was wanting to see what condoms felt like.

Yes... That went through my mind. But, it didn't happen. I finished the school day and got home. I waited until my parents when to sleep to slip that circular object of my curiosity out of the package. My first thought? "Well, this can't feel good inside of your vagina." After I unrolled it and inspected it to my heart's content, I blew it up, smacked it around my rooms a few times like a balloon, and then I popped it. I mean, what the hell else was I supposed to do with it?

I ended up wrapping it a paper towel and two old t shirts before disposing of it in our backyard trashcan. I was just that scared of my parents finding out I had a condom in my possession.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Can I Fuck Your Mom?

When I say (or type) this next sentence, I am being completely serious. I am not being facetious, and no, I'm not excessively horny: I want to be a mother fucker. Not in the figurative sense of the phrase that is so commonly used today, but in the absolute, most literal sense possible... I sincerely, wholeheartedly, and truthfully want to fuck mothers. Lots of them.

Now, I wouldn't fuck my friends' moms. Wait... I lied... I would TOTALLY fuck some of my friends' moms, but not the majority of them. If I know you and I've seen your mom, about six times out of ten, I have pictured her naked.

I don't know what it is about a mature woman that makes me cream, but it never fails. The porn site that I frequent does suggested videos based on the ones that you watch/search for. All of mine are mature women masturbating or getting fucked hardcore. It's fantastic.

I wonder if it's because I have "mommy issues". My mom never hugged me, had casual conversations with me, or showed me much affection. I'm so damaged. ::sobs:: No, not really. It's not that dramatic. But, I always wanted the attention I never got. Even when I was younger, I craved attention from certain teachers. I would sit in my elementary school cafeteria at lunch time and fantasize about my teacher just randomly getting naked. Huh... That's abnormal...

Anyway, at barely 20, I still have absolutely no interest in having an emotional relationship with a man. Case in point: the guy a gave a blow job to? I haven't talked to him since I gave him a blow job. Well, I have... Only to plan another meeting for another blow job (which fell through). He's sweet and I suppose he's boyfriend material for someone, but not for me. I don't think anyone is.

I would totally be into fucking a guy and then banging his mom. That's horrible on so many levels, but it seems to be my ultimate fantasy. I'm not saying that I want to be involved in anything incestuous and I can't even wrap my mind around having a threesome. I guess there's something so erotic about the "sexy mommy" role. Teaching you, loving you, and scolding you to (hopeful) perfection.

So, I plan to eventually put my plan into action. Finding a forty-something divorcee/empty nester that has discovered her inner sexuality. She's realized that she craves the (long term) companionship of a younger chick, already equipped with quivering loins, wet panties, and the will to learn. We'll act coy in public; maybe she can pose as my mentor. We'll hold hands under the table and sneak sexy glances at each other. She gets me home (we share a house, of course) and pulls out our drawer of sex toys and we fuck to our hearts' content.

Maybe it'll happen. I'm putting it out into the cosmos (I don't think I should pray for that...) and maybe it will come back to me. How wild would that be? VirginMonoblogger finally getting to have sex with a mature woman. Wow. I need to go masturbate.

Oh, and congrats to me for making it through an entire entry about lesbian sex without mentioning Glenn Close. I'm only 99.9% obsessed now. I'm progressing.