Nope, I'm not dead; still a suffering nursing student who has writer's block.
You may never think of me the same after you read this list, but I really think I have long surpassed the normal level of weirdness a person can safely be at without being committed.
1: My standards for sleeping with men are EXPONENTIALLY lower than my standards for sleeping with women. So low that they're almost nonexistent. Like, if you're not mentally challenged and you can put on a condom.... I think all systems are go.
2: I masturbate so often that my fingers are often prune-y from always being in contact with my pussy juice.
3: I will make out with pretty much anyone.
4: By default, I love you if you're a lesbian. Seriously.
5: I like pretty much all porn... There's some porn I like that I'm embarrassed to admit to (....I think women peeing in their pants is hot. Don't fucking judge me)
6: I want to have sex with a hermaphrodite. Yes, I realize that they rarely have completely developed genitalia. I want one with a big dick and a vagina and also has a striking resemblance to Glenn Close.
7: "Ren and Stimpy" used to make me so horny when I was a preteen. No, I don't know why. And no, I don't find them erotic anymore.
8: When I rub my nipples, I get thirsty.
9: Intelligent women turn me on. Female doctors are like my real life porn.
10: I don't find six-packs/muscles sexy, especially on men.
11: Sitting on exercise bikes makes me horny.
12: I have only ever made out with girls. My tongue has yet to enter a male's mouth. I'm okay with that.
13: I used to love bestiality porn. Yeah, I said it. Damn.
14: I sometimes fantasized about blowing Mr. Rogers. "Yes. Just like that, Neighbor."
15: I love porn where men masturbate in women's underwear and ejaculate in them. Delish.
16: I have an unnatural fascination with deep-throating things. It never fails that, when I'm eating a Popsicle or a sucker, I stick it down my throat a few times.
17: I love to nibble gently/play with people's ears... I don't know why, but I think ears are cute and somehow totally erotic.
18: I can get with most sexual acts, but I think rimming is the weirdest thing ever and I can't imagine ever flicking my tongue over someone's asshole. Rimming. Not even once.
19: Letting my vibrator rest right on my outer vulva lulls me to sleep unlike any sleeping pill can.
20: I like women who sport camel toes. Potential yeast infections be damned.
21: I almost hope to lose my virginity to a mature woman. Fuckin' hot.