Sunday, August 14, 2011

Having Sex vs. Being Sexual

I have several.... tens of blog entries that I've started but I haven't finished for several reasons. I either get stuck, lose interest in the subject, or realize that I've already talked about something too much akin to the topic that it would almost be a rearranged re-post. The following post is a mash-up of about four entries that I've started and never finished. It was pretty irrelevant for me to tell you that...

Taylor Momsen rocks my fucking socks. I didn't know kids these days had such fantastic ideals (says the moderately sexually liberated freshly twenty one year old masturbator). One of my good friends linked me to this quote by her:

“I’m a promoter of masturbation. Don’t sleep around—learn yourself first! Guys do, but girls don’t. And that’s why girls have so many bad experiences. But you can know your body, know yourself, know what feels good. You don’t have to give yourself away just to have sexual relevance. Because I don’t think sex is something people should be afraid of. It’s part of human nature, so I don’t think it should be so shameful—particularly for girls and young girls.”

Right on, you raccoon-eyed stoner. I respect her so much for saying that.

It got me thinking about how being sexual DOES NOT always parallel with having sex. I was talking to my friend some weeks ago and she said that one of her friends (not a mutual one) was looking at my blog and saying "Wait, so she's blogging about sex.... but not having any?" It was a harmless remark (I assume), but it still irritated me a bit.

Why is my opinion about sex less than that of a person who is partner-sexually active? This is the age old issue that still irritates the shit out of me. I know my body extremely well. I know what gets me there and what doesn't work. I have amazingly obtained that knowledge from ::gasp:: masturbation (with the help of some ass-smacking and minor crotch fondling in high school).

I saw this card on Post Secret some weeks ago. Underneath that picture, an email response was "I bought my 14 year-old a vibrator (at her request after I offered) because I never want her to feel shame about a normal, human desire. But, I can't tell anyone because of the way they would judge me as a mother."

Is masturbation like weed? A gateway drug? Will masturbating fairly regularly with sex toys make you promiscuous? Is that one of society's myths? Well, I think it's fair to say that I've been testing this theory and I have only had a ONE penis in ONE orifice of my body, and it actually wasn't my vagina. BOOM: myth busted. You're welcome. The research is still ongoing.

It irritates me that parents are seemingly at one extreme or another: they're either giving their children NO options when it comes to sex and telling them that abstinence is best OR they're buying birth control for girls that are barely past their first period. Where is the happy medium?

Pretty sure it's teaching sex positivity. Masturbation is fantastic. I wasn't taught that, but I'm a fucking genius and I can figure shit out on my own (not really; I was just a very curious and horny twelve year old).

I wish I could give that mom two hugs (and a third one if she's hot). One hug for promoting self-sexuality with her daughter and another to let her know that there's NOTHING to be ashamed of. I mean, I'm not asking her and her daughter to pose in a picture holding the vibrator like a trophy (even though that would be mildly awesome), but she should definitely feel proud of herself.

We should be our own first sexual partner. We should be sexual before we start having sex. Let's go into this thing with some experience.

5 comments:

  1. I think masturbation is something that definitely needs to be promoted, instead of pushing it down into the shadows like a lot of people tend to...

    Nobody ever taught me, I just... tried it one day. I wish I'd had more time so I could've refined my technique before I turned twenty.

    Just yesterday, one of my classmates, who is a tiny, gorgeous eighteen-year-old that I love to death, was making tons of jokes about me having too much rough sex, which is fine. I can handle that. But when one of my other friends, who is a few years older than me, said, "I don't think she realizes you're not sexually active" that it began to bother me. I probably should've said something, but I didn't want to make her feel bad, and I also didn't want to have THAT conversation again... Maybe it was moreso the latter that was stopping me, but I really wasn't up to it emotionally anyway, I've been hormonal and crazy since last week.

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  2. You know, it's like having sex somehow gives you some kind of prestigious status or something. If you've had nothing but bad experiences when it comes to partner sex, then your "status" means nothing.

    On your hormonal levels, where are you in your cycle and how are you feeling? Hormonal rarely ever equals crazy.

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  3. Well, I'm close to starting my period, but I've been taking birth control for a few months and it's hard to tell because the symptoms are changing a little. I went off it for about a week because the pharmacy was out... What an awful week. I kept breaking down and I had no idea why I was crying other than my hormone levels were all messed-up from not taking my pills.

    I don't like that I have to take birth control, but I got tired of playing "Guess When Your Period's Coming". I went more than three months without having a period and then bled for almost three weeks when I finally got it. It was scary. But now I'm able to say "five weeks" with confidence.

    Like I said, though, I just... I don't want to have to explain WHY I've never had sex. I'm tired of having to say "because nobody's ever wanted to". I'm not ashamed that I'm... what's the term... auto-sexual. But people always manage to make me feel like I should be.

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  4. I completely understand, even though my reproductive issues started AFTER I started TEP. I'll never take another birth control pill, but I don't have a reason to (and I really never did). Have you had your hormone levels tested for PCOS or anything like that?

    I wanna pick your brain and know about your uterus.

    And I can guarantee you SOMEONE has wanted to jump your bones. People aren't always vocal about their sexual desires... Look at me, lol.

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  5. Reproductive issues run on my mom's side of the family. One of my aunts had a hysterectomy before she turned 30 and my mom had cysts. So we're keeping an eye on things- if I notice anything out of the ordinary, I'm supposed to go to the doctor. I've never been tested but maybe I should check into that.

    I really have been doing better since I started on the pill. I feel a bit more leveled-out. But if there had been a better option, I would've gone for that.

    And I guess I shouldn't say NOBODY has ever wanted to... there was my friend's mentally challenged uncle. And that one douche that I knew because he was dating one of my roommates. But that's it, as far as I know. Sad, huh?

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